my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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