Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I have so many feelings about this burrito
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