U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
