There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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