I faked an abortion last night.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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