Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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