Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
