That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
