I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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