I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
