Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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