ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
