i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
