READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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