yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Randomize
