i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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