I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
