How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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