It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
it hurts more in the daytime
someone owes me an orgasm
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
