Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize