So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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