Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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