You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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