My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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