never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
