my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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