had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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