i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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