And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
