last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
