I can text with my tongue
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
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