You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
