I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
