between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
