these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
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i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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