he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
