Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
