shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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