i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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