wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
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