While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
