She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
