Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
