I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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