I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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