I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
