Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Randomize
