He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
