so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
worst night to have a conscience
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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