I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
