Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
