Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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