and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
