evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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