Michael Bay diarrhea
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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