So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
