Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
