Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
