Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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