We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
nutella sex= disaster
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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