we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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