I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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