I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
