I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
